My outer growing-up-world was privileged. Large family, front row pew, matching dresses, community leader parents, all physical needs met… My inner world was lonely.
Looking back I see God was there all along, but then I only saw Him in snippets – in the confessional at church, in summer camp led by spirit-filled nuns, when I begged for healing of tummy aches. I remember lying alone in the dark, the last one awake, wishing I had someone with me behind my closed eyes.
I realized young that no relationship was permanent. A best friend today could be an enemy tomorrow. People moved away. Died.
To create bonds I became what people wanted, like a human chameleon. That led to teen-aged pregnancy… My parents arranged for me to sneak to Portland, attend all girls’ school, give baby away, and return with a new wardrobe to pretend nothing happened. It didn’t work.
My outer world had changed. I didn’t fit. My inner world had changed also. An infection ate at my heart, creating a cavern to fill. I consumed New Age Cults, witchcraft, drugs and countless relationships, but each bite tore the hole bigger.
Drugs fragmented my mind. God came again, speaking simply. Did I want goodness or evil? I chose goodness, and He arranged connections to draw me in.
- My mom directed me to a priest. He told me about the Holy Spirit and made sure I spoke in tongues before I left. He said Romans 8 tells God had adopted me and I should call Him Abba.
- A druggie friend said the Bible was truth. I carried one everywhere, reading at bus stops and between classes. I found out I was the harlot boys in Proverbs should run from.
- A guy on parole invited me to Faith Center. I discovered it wasn’t a mall but a church, even though it wasn’t named after a saint.
- Mom got me in Catholic new converts’ class. They kicked me out for asking too many questions.
I just couldn’t buy that Jesus was God. God’s son, yes. God, no…
- Another ex-con told me about Jesus Northwest, a huge outdoor festival. I hitchhiked with backpack, sleeping bag, $5.00 for food, a sign that said “Jesus Northwest”… 4 teens in a VW-bug squeezed me in and left me at the gate.
- That night Keith Green, who’d also been raised Catholic, answered my questions about Jesus being God and why I needed to give Him my life. I did, and God met me there.
Bit by bit He’s giving me a new inner world so I want to do what pleases Him, to love people and do brave, hard things. When He adopted me, He gave a new outer world, with wonderful husband, kids, grandkids and you. Those that follow Him are my family now because He adopted us all… Megan